Don’t Go In The Woods (Don’t Watch This Movie)

Posted: February 21, 2013 by puremassacre in Horror, Movies, Mystery, Slasher, Thriller
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Dont Go in the Woods

Dont Go In The Woods. 2010

A young band heads to the woods in order to focus on writing new songs. Hoping to emerge with new music that will score them their big break, they instead find themselves in the middle of a nightmare beyond comprehension.
“Making a hit can be a killer……”
Director: Vincent D’Onofrio
Writers: Sam Bisbee (screenplay), Vincent D’Onofrio (story)
Stars: Bo Boddie, Eric Bogosian, Gwynn Galitzer
Runtime: 83 min
Don't Go in the Woods (2010) on IMDb

Holy shit! I’d thought I’d seen it all. Every blood soaked, gore filled, poorly executed, crappy acted, horribly directed, plot holed, budget strapped, shitty movie put out in the last couple a years. I was wrong. Horribly wrong. I read the crackflix synopsis, pretty much told me that a bunch of teens head into the woods and run afoul of a sledgehammer weilding maniac! Perfect, sounds like a nice slasher set up to me. Directed by Vincet D’Onofrio, he’s got some star power, Don’t Go In The Woods should be alright I thought. Well the film turns out to be a freaking musical slasher. Therein the problem lies; I love slashers, but I hate musicals. The combination is (in this case anyway) absolutely terrible.

Muthafuckin kum bye ah!

Muthafuckin kum bye ah!

Take a few inner city, generic sounding beatnicks and send them into the woods for the weekend to write an album; and write they do! Singing incessantly while playing their various instruments during every damn scene, including before, after and during their respective deaths. Needless to say, with the exception of one dude (the blind guy) they are all complete crap. Holy fuck I thought I was watching a Jonas Brothers flick for awhile there. The lead sings every chance he gets in his annoying, over emphasized manner. Actually give me the sledgehammer and I’ll take him out! The film continues like this for the first two thirds before anything really happens; just watching these guys sing and be all emo like. The killing eventually starts, THANK GOD, and along with it, a twist that was easy to spot for the seasoned horror fan. The gore “saved” the film for me; pretty bloody and vicious. The largely unseen sledgehammer wielding maniac cut through those annoying wannabe rockers with ease; thank you. Thank you very much.

Please kill me, I suck.

Please kill me, I suck.

I think they deserved what they got in the end, I think the masked killer just couldn’t stand to listen to their whining singing anymore. I know I couldn’t. To me Don’t Go In The Woods was more of a promotional flick for a bunch of rocker (I use that term loosely) kids hoping to use the film as a launching pad for their musical careers. I think D’Onofrio should stick to Law and Order. Wow what an absolutely crazy concept film! It failed completely on every level. Watch it because it’s just annoying as all hell.

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