The 12 best horror movies on Netflix

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Every Single American Horror Story Season 6 Theory, Ranked

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Hemlock Grove – Eli Roth directs Werewolf goodness on Netflix

In the shadows of a rusted Pennsylvania steel town, the mangled body of a teenage girl is discovered. As they hunt for a monster among them, rumors mount and many of the eccentric residents become suspects, from the newly arrived gypsy family to the wealthy Godfrey clan. In the twisted world of Hemlock Grove, everyone hides a dark secret. From director Eli Roth (“Hostel”) comes a chilling supernatural series based on Brian McGreevy’s novel. Official Page

Hemlock Grove is an upcoming American horror/thriller television series for Netflix from executive producer Eli Roth, developed by Brian McGreevy & Lee Shipman, and produced by Gaumont International Television. It is based on McGreevy’s novel Hemlock Grove, which was released on March 27, 2012. On January 9, 2013, Netflix announced that Hemlock Grove will premiere April 19, 2013. Just one more reason to love Netflix! Check out the trailer and some pics below.

Don’t Go In The Woods (Don’t Watch This Movie)

Dont Go In The Woods. 2010

A young band heads to the woods in order to focus on writing new songs. Hoping to emerge with new music that will score them their big break, they instead find themselves in the middle of a nightmare beyond comprehension.
“Making a hit can be a killer……”
Director: Vincent D’Onofrio
Writers: Sam Bisbee (screenplay), Vincent D’Onofrio (story)
Stars: Bo Boddie, Eric Bogosian, Gwynn Galitzer
Runtime: 83 min

Holy shit! I’d thought I’d seen it all. Every blood soaked, gore filled, poorly executed, crappy acted, horribly directed, plot holed, budget strapped, shitty movie put out in the last couple a years. I was wrong. Horribly wrong. I read the crackflix synopsis, pretty much told me that a bunch of teens head into the woods and run afoul of a sledgehammer weilding maniac! Perfect, sounds like a nice slasher set up to me. Directed by Vincet D’Onofrio, he’s got some star power, Don’t Go In The Woods should be alright I thought. Well the film turns out to be a freaking musical slasher. Therein the problem lies; I love slashers, but I hate musicals. The combination is (in this case anyway) absolutely terrible.

Jack Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door

Jack Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door. 2007.

Based on the Jack Ketchum novel of the same name, The Girl Next Door follows the unspeakable torture and abuses committed on a teenage girl in the care of her aunt…and the boys who witness and fail to report the crime.

Director: Gregory Wilson
Writers: Daniel Farrands (screenplay), Philip Nutman (screenplay)
Stars: William Atherton, Blythe Auffarth and Blanche Baker
Country: USA
Also Known As: Jack Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door
Filming Locations: Fort Lee, New Jersey, USA
Runtime: 91 min

Jack Ketchum’s, The Girl Next door is loosely based on the grisly torture and subsequent murder of Silvia Likens by Gertrude Baniszewski during the summer of 1965; one of the most heinous crimes in American history. The plot centers on Meg (Blythe Auffarth) and Susan (Madeline Taylor) two sisters who have been sent from New York to live with their aunt, Ruth Chandler (Blanche Baker) and three cousins Willie (Graham Patrick Martin), Ralphie (Austin Williams) and Donny (Benjamin Ross Kaplan), in the wake of a horrific car wreck that killed both of their parents. The sisters soon find out that aunt Ruth is a sadistic psychopath that harbors a deep resentment of men and who thinks women are just filthy whores.  David, a young boy living in 1950’s Indiana, is neighbor to the Chandlers and becomes infatuated with Meg.

Never having read the original novel by Ketchum, I was aware of this twisted tale by a wiki article I’d read a few years back concerning the 1965 Likens murder; and was thrilled to see The Girl Next Door appear on Netflix a short while ago.  The film starts off with an older wealthy man reflecting on a past tragedy, things that could have been different, things he could have changed.  We learn that the older man is in-fact David, the protagonist of the film, who as a young boy, befriends Meg and Susan, the tragic victims of the story.  The Film is told mainly through David’s perspective as a flashback to his childhood during the summer of 1958.  The setting was spot on; retro clothing, classic cars and malt shops depicted a simpler time in The Girl Next Door.  One scene in particular involves David and Meg getting a few cheeseburgers and fries which he pays for with fifty cents (I wish).  From the chauvinistic macho attitudes to the smoking is healthy mentality, the film really nailed down small town 1950’s USA.

Read Full Review…..

Next Up: teaching my children well…..

Baise-Moi

Baise-moi. 2000

Two young women, marginalised by society, go on a destructive tour of sex and violence. Breaking norms and killing men – and shattering the complacency of polite cinema audiences. Baise-moi is a French film co-directed by Virginie Despentes and Coralie Trinh Thi, released in 2000. It is based on the novel by Despentes, first published in 1999.
Release date: June 28, 2000 (initial release)
Directors: Virginie Despentes, Coralie Trinh Thi
DVD release date: December 18, 2001
Running time: 77 minutes
Cast: Lisa Marshall, Marc Rioufol, Ouassini Embarek, Delphine MacCarty, Estelle Isaac
Screenplay: Coralie Trinh Thi, Virginie Despentes
(Wiki)

This was an unusual flick by our friends across the pond and while I am a big fan of French horror and the new French extremity, I had a hard time with this one. Baise-Moi isn’t quite horror, it’s more of a violent crime/spree killing oddity mixed with generous amounts of hardcore porn (full penetration scenes, plenty of bj’s, masturbation, rape, and tons of male and female full frontal explicit nudity). I was quite surprised to see this one pop up on crackflix! I like my horror and I like my porn (who the hell doesn’t right?) but I don’t think they go well together. One minute I’m watching a couple of women getting nasty and the next I’m watching a guy get his head blown off, it was all really disconcerting. The plot involves a relatively good looking prostitue meeting a jaded rape victim with a background in questionable pornography and embarking on a country wide killing spree; involving numerous random victims. They drink, get high and explicitly screw their way through France with no remorse and no pity. Ya ya I know it sounds pretty cool but it just really isn’t that effective; honestly if the sex and nudity were absent from Baise-Moi I probably wouldn’t have made it through the 77 minute running time. I felt no attachment to any of the characters in the film whatsoever and didn’t seem to care one way or another what happened to either of the leads; add a weirdly awkward score into the mix and you get an inexplicably disjointed amateur-ish porn flick. If I want hardcore sex scenes I think the last census put the amount of porn sites listed worldwide at roughly 800 trillion……….. A rare miss by the french. Baise-Moi @ IMDb.

Next Up: google………

The Burning

The Burning. 1981.

The Burning is a 1981 slasher film directed by Tony Maylam, with music by Rick Wakeman. It tells the story of a cruel, alcoholic, sadistic caretaker at a summer camp (nicknamed “Cropsy” and based on the urban legend of Cropsey) who falls victim to a prank that went out of control which leaves him horribly burned and disfigured. Following his release from hospital, he returns to his old stomping ground and begins a murder spree. The film was one of the first from Miramax Films: Harvey Weinstein produced the film and Bob Weinstein was a co-writer. Jason Alexander, Fisher Stevens and Oscar winner Holly Hunter all made their motion picture debuts in this film. (Wiki)

Release date: May 8, 1981 (initial release)
Director: Tony Maylam
DVD release date: September 11, 2007
Running time: 91 minutes
Screenplay: Tony Maylam, Harvey Weinstein

The Burning is a must see film for any fan of 80’s slashers. A maniac stalking the woods of a remote summer camp seeking vengence upon sex crazed half naked teens sounds all to familiar doesn’t it? While The Burning is a blatant rip off of Friday the 13th, who cares? It is a decent film in it’s own right. A cast of likable characters, tons of blood (by none other than Tom Savini) and a horribly disfigured villain. What’s not to like. Add in some 80’s synth (yeah!), full frontal female nudity, some gory deaths and a remote backwoods camp setting and you have all the right ingredients for a quintessential early 80’s slasher. While not perfect by any means, The Burning is definitely recommended viewing in my opinion. Oh ya and you get to see George Castanza with a full head of hair!! The Burning @ IMDb.

Hidden

Hidden is an Italian-Canadian horror film directed by Antoine Thomas and produced by Caramel Films. It was filmed in Italy and Canada over the Summer and Fall of 2010. Hidden 3D was filmed in both 2D and 3D Technologies.
Release date: April 21, 2011 (initial release)
Running time: 88 minutes
Budget: 8 million USD
Producer: Don Carmody
Cast: Devon Bostick, Jason Blicker
(Wiki)

Bored to death one night I decided to try this flick out on crackflix. The poster looked pretty cool and the description seemed okay, though I had to ignore the crappy rating (2 stars….yikes!). Diving into the film I quickly learned that certain sketchy doctors were experimenting on addictions patients at an isolated (of course) and ominous looking research facility far out in the backwoods of anywhere USA. Ya I know that sounds pretty badass but despite an interesting start Hidden failed to deliver in pretty much every aspect. While the sound and cinematography were good and the acting wasn’t terrible the film just seemed blah. Lacklustre if you will. The terrible cgi and brightly lit scenes smacked of made for TV. The mayhem and killing were dreadfully boring, dull and gore-free (which was a big turn off). The climax held no surprises or twists and left me disappointed.  Being Canadian I really want to like home grown films but sadly Hidden left me wanting more.  Lots more.  Watch this one only if you are into crappy, boring, poorly executed, and generally uninteresting films.  Hidden @ IMDb.

Next Up: Jack Frost……

Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption

Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption. 2011.

In a world where zombies outnumber humans 10,000 to one, it is impossible to tell the difference between men and the monsters.

Director: Ryan Thompson
Writers: Ryan Thompson, Ryan Lieske
Country: USA
Language: English
Release Date: 2011 (USA)
Stars: Johnny Gel, Fred Williamson and Joseph Scott Anthony

I can’t resist watching movies involving zombies, zombie apocalpyse’, zombie outbreaks and general gut munching mayhem! With the not-so recent upward trend of all things undead (damn you Twilight, damn you Plants vs Zombies, damn you Call of Duty: Zombies) there has been a plethora of entries into the genre. Quasi Zombie films such as the 28 days franchise, the upcoming World War Z film adaptation by Pitt and company, the excellent Dawn of the Dead remake by Zack Snyder (I don’t care…the Dawn remake is far superior to Romero’s original), the UK zombedy Shaun of the Dead and the phenomenal Walking Dead TV series have set the bar high for genre fans such as myself. Unfortunately the current global fascination of all things Zombie has led to a massive influx of poorly executed and well….extremely bad films into the overly saturated subgenre. So for the discerning Zombie enthusiast it’s really about finding the diamonds in the rough, so to speak. This brings me to the film at hand. Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption; a so-called sequel to the lackluster Zombie Apocalypse (you know, the one starring Ving Rhames. Oh you don’t know).

Lets get to the meat of this thing: It’s 12 years after a global virus transformed the population of earth into flesh eating Zombies. The undead outnumber the humans 10000 to 1. I don’t like those odds! The general breakdown of society has already taken place separating the good from the bad, the groups who want to re-establish a functioning society from the badass rebels who want nothing more than to capture women for sex slavery, to drink and to assemble themselves into some form of quasi-military-roman republic-Fallout New Vegas style raider organization. Fair enough. I for one would tend to lean towards the latter. Now for a $56,000 budget you can’t expect to much, can you? I think you can expect a little bit of common sense and thought. Would everyone in a crumbling broken world overrun with the undead be driving spotless brand new vehicles? Or be dressed in combat gear with not as much as a spot of dirt or stain to be seen anywhere? I guess they had to return alot of that gear after shooting wrapped up. Needless to say that gasoline would be so deteriorated after 12 years that driving anything but a horse would be impossible. I think by this point I had figured out what they spent their budget on. Car rentals and rollback clothing at Wal-Mart. This brings me to the “evil” raiders group and the laughable villain overlord, Roman. This dude had a few things right, he likes to get messed up and he likes his sex slaves dressed in the latest BDSM fashions (brand spanking shiny new btw). I could overlook his horrendous overacting, his confused moments where he stares of into space for no apparent reason and even his sex toy girlfriend who was clearly cast as a Mexican but struggled horribly with her attempts at an accent; making her sound half-Russian mixed with a bit of French and Eastern European. What I couldn’t get over was his costume. Imagine a hockey player crossed with Shredder from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Sigh. I really hope these guys weren’t trying to make anything serious here.

Fred Williamson.

There were two things I half-enjoyed about Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption; the 80’s ish synth soundtrack (I’m a sucker for synth) and the leather clad bdsm style catfight between the two main females during the “climax”. Oh and you might recognize Fred Williamson (the leader of the of the “good” guys) former Kansas City Chiefs football star, blaxploitation mainstay and more recently he appeared in Dusk Till Dawn. The film was tiring, boring, uninteresting, comedic, pointless, inaccurate, exhausting, not even mediocre and generally a waste of F#$k’n time. I only hope that by taking time off of their day job’s at Burger King and Wal-Mart they didn’t lose to much in wages……Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption @ IMDB.

Next Up: a smoke…..

Vile

Vile. 2011.

Vile is a 2011 American horror film written by Eric Beck and directed by Taylor Sheridan. The film stars Eric Jay Beck, April Matson and Akeem Smith.
Release date: August 26, 2011 (UK)
Director: Taylor Sheridan
US release date: July 24, 2012
Running time: 90 minutes
Screenplay: Eric Beck

Vile movie was released Sep 11, 2012 by the Inception studio. Vile begins with a man strapped down on a hospital bed, with what the audience can only assume is a sick doctor inflicting various acts on this man that cause him pain. Vile movie This particular man of medicine is interested in making a drug that is created by chemicals in the brain that are released when the human body undergoes sensations of pain. Vile video Later, we are introduced to a group of four campers. Vile film Stars Eric Beck, April Matson, Akeem Smith, Maya Hazen, Heidi Mueller. cdUniverse

After a couple of bad starts on Netflix yesterday (Death of a Ghost Hunter, Exorcismus) my bro and I commited to Vile. The cover looked pretty sick, which ofcourse peaked our interest but the 2.7ish rating was a bit worrisome. With no other choices we dove in. The premise of the film was actually a refreshing take on the survival/torture horror genre, pretty inventive I must say. The film itself was a little rough around the edges with some shaky acting and minor errors scattered throughout but for an obviously lower budget entry Vile was well executed. We found ourselves pretty engaged in the flick and even flinching at a few of the gruesome torture scenes; can anyone say ‘Cheese Grater’. Vile isn’t going to be up for an Oscar anytime soon but if your into low budget horror and want something a bit different check it out! Vile @ IMDB

Next Up: throwing out my cheese grater…….

Tucker and Dale vs Evil

Tucker and Dale vs Evil. 2010.

Tucker & Dale vs Evil is a 2010 Canadian-American comedy horror film written and directed by Eli Craig. The film stars Alan Tudyk, Tyler Labine and Katrina Bowden.
Release date: January 22, 2010 (initial release)
Director: Eli Craig
DVD release date: November 29, 2011
Running time: 89 minutes
Screenplay: Eli Craig, Morgan Jurgenson

A group of college students, including Allison (Katrina Bowden), Chad (Jesse Moss), Chloe (Chelan Simmons), Chuck (Travis Nelson), Jason (Brandon Jay McLaren), Naomi (Christie Laing), Todd (Alex Arsenault), Mitch (Adam Beauchesne) and Mike (Joseph Allan Sutherland), are going camping in West Virginia. While at a gas station, they encounter Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) two well-meaning hillbillies who have just bought the vacation home of their dreams: a run-down lakefront cabin in the middle of the woods. (Wiki)

Tucker and Dale vs Evil is an absolutely hilarious take on the classic backwoods slasher subgenre. Im not generally a horror-comedy fan but this works astonishingly well. A group of teens stumble across the two inept hillbillies and a series of misunderstandings and role reversals ensue with bloody consequences. This is definitely a must watch on Netflix. Tucker and Dale @ IMDB

Nine Dead

Nine Dead. 2010.

Nine Dead is a 2009 horror thriller film, directed by Chris Shadley, produced by Paula Hart and written by Patrick Wehe Mahoney. Filming began on July 6, 2008 and ended on July 27, 2008.
Release date: March 9, 2010 (initial release)
Director: Chris Shadley
DVD release date: March 9, 2010
Running time: 98 minutes
Screenplay: Patrick Wehe Mahoney

After a string of kidnappings, these nine people are locked inside a room and handcuffed to pipes. Then a masked man enters and explains each of them are there for a reason, and to survive, they must figure it out. Every ten minutes they don’t the shooter will enter and kill one of them. (Wiki)

Well I wonder where that idea came from……I’m looking at you SAW. Similarities aside, I was mildly disinterested in Nine Dead throughout. I didn’t care much for any of the characters save for my pure loathing of the lead female; she really shouldn’t be an actress, really! Poor execution, a weak plot and mediocre acting made the film a bore to watch; there weren’t even any creative kills, bloody scenes or nudity to save this flick. I did like the villains mask though. Anywho watch if ya want or don’t……Nine Dead @ IMDB

Next Up: checking into rehab for my Iphone 5 addiciton….

The Pact

The Pact. 2012.

The Pact is a 2012 American horror film written and directed by Nicholas McCarthy and starring Caity Lotz and Casper van Dien. Wikipedia
Release date: January 20, 2012 (initial release)
Director: Nicholas McCarthy
DVD release date: November 6, 2012
Running time: 89 minutes
Screenplay: Nicholas McCarthy
Producer: Ross M. Dinerstein

The Pact is a 2012 American horror film written and directed by Nicholas McCarthy and starring Caity Lotz and Casper van Dien. The film was made following the success of McCarthy’s short film of the same name which premiered at the 2011 Sundance Film Festival. The films follows Annie, whose mother has recently died, as she tries to discover what caused her sister, Nicole, and her cousin, Liz, to disappear. The film premiered at the 2012 Sundance Film Festival on 20 January, opening to generally favourable reviews. The film was released in the USA on June 6, 2012 in select cinemas and 8 June 2012 in the UK and Ireland. (Wiki)

Just finished the pact a few minutes ago. All I can really say about this one is meh. I was okay I guess. Not to good, not to bad. Pretty standard paranormal fare really, a malevolent ghost has a message to tell and won’t stop harassing the protagonist until the message is understood. Not a bad Netflix horror entry. The Pact @ IMDB

Next Up: Dexter

The Reeds

The Reeds. 2010.

A weekend boating party turns into a nightmare for a group of young Londoners when they stumble upon a terrifying secret hidden in the reeds.
Director: Nick Cohen
Writers: Mark Anthony Galluzzo (contributing writer), Chris Baker
Stars: Anna Brewster, Geoff Bell and Daniel Caltagirone

Was bored today so I decided to watch this little flick on Netflix. Meh is pretty much what I got out of this one folks. Lots of little inconsistencies that quite literally bothered the shit outta me. It is a UK film and I understand that there will be accents here but I found the female leads accent absolutely unbearable, gutteral if you will. As for the plot itself it won’t really matter what I say here spoiler wise, because what we have is a typical, am I dead but don’t really know it yet, am I watching the past but don’t really know it yet, am I watching the future but don’t really know it yet, or whatever…..are they ghosts or zombies, evil spirits, actually it doesn’t matter. The 4.7 rating on IMDB tells it all. Watch only if your bored. The Reeds @ IMDB

Next Up: Anything really….

The Tall Man

The Tall Man. 2012.

The Tall Man is a 2012 English-language French mystery film written and directed by Pascal Laugier. It was filmed in the Kootenay region of Southeastern British Columbia and stars Jessica Biel. The film is set in a small mining town where children are disappearing on a regular basis, and the abductions are blamed on a local legend called “the Tall Man.” Jessica Biel plays a nurse whose own son disappears, leading her to seek out the mystery of the Tall Man. The film’s bleak depiction of a town ravaged by economic desperation was considered a metaphor for post-recession North America.

In truth I watched The Tall Man because Jessica Biel is in it, she’s hot. Actually the cover didn’t look to bad either. In all honesty The Tall Man isn’t a horror movie at all as Netflix’s description and the films cover would lead you to believe. It’s more of a mystery/thriller. It was well filmed and Biel does a great job as the lead. If your looking for horror on Netflix look elsewhere, if your looking for a bloodbath look elsewhere, if you looking for Jessica Biel’s hottness well actually it really isn’t accentuated in The Tall Man. Overall not to bad of a flick, just not what I was expecting. The Tall Man @ IMDB

Next Up: Googling Jessica Biel pics…..